a Letter an Ibo merchant wrote to his lover

Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe
Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe (Photo credit: elycefeliz)

This humorous article is about a love letter a Nigerian ‘Ibo merchant’  wrote to his lover. Enjoy it.

The letter begins:

Hello pretty damusel,

I just wanted to leti u know dat I hav joined the muvin people….Ndi n’aga-aga, (the happuning guys).
I am Aguiyi international! Importa & Exporta. I ownu plenty of shop in Onitsha main market.
As u are luking at me, nne a dim very solid. My containers come in 20s and 40s every weeki. I havu over 40 boys working for me.
Aguiyi is a bigi boy, I am a muver, I am a shaker. I yam a man of timber & plywood.

I yam rich and by di special grace of God, I am the owner of di biggest & powerful boutique u can think of.
All di streets in china are right here in my head and all di Nigerian boys dat load market dia are under me.

As I yamu speaking to u now, they are making plan to crown me eze ndi igbo of china and by di special grace of God, you will be lolo ndi igbo of china.

Nne you look liki egg yolk and for dat, I will kill any ochicha for u.
Nne, ego na-esi isi n’arum. I send money on errands.

A dim ok!
Isit my fault dat I yamu a bigi boy?  Or is it my fault dat at my age, I have many boys under me?

I willi repackage u nne m and present u to di world.
Pretty damusel. Nne m o! Oyoyo m, Egovin nwa! My yori yori! My african Queen, ashanti m! Nwa akworo aka muo! Igbu go m. Infact baby, take me.
Your loving faithfully,

(This article was edited. Original source unknown)

This other post will interest you: https://timelessbits.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/illiterate-visits-restaurant-abroad/

Watch: Osuofia Can’t Believe White Man Speaks Igbo


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