Little Johnny and Teacher

JohnnyandTeacher

Johnny: Excuse ma, if you mix Omo detergent and Klin detergent, will there be foam?

Teacher: Yes of course, why ask such a stupid question at the beginning of the year, are you going to pass this class at all?

Johnny: (smiles and whispers to the other kids) Such a dumb teacher, how can you get foam from a detergent without adding water, are we going to know anything at all with this teacher?

This other child joke may interest you:  https://timelessbits.wordpress.com/2012/07/25/how-a-smart-kid-spelt-mcdonalds/

Some Funny things People Say or Do

Funny Bulldog
Funny Bulldog (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn)

1. Searching the entire room for the TV remote instead of walking to the TV to change the channel manually.

2. When people say while watching a film, “did you see that?” No , I came to the cinema to stare at the floor!

3. When peeps point at their wrist asking for the time…

4. When people say “Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

5. “Can I ask you a question?”… Didn’t give me a choice there, did you?

Did the Priest Lie?

This is a hilarious episode, one where a priest tried not to lie, but neither did he tell the truth. Enjoy it!

And so the Rabi says to the Priest...
And so the Rabi says to the Priest… (Photo credit: One lucky guy)

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her:

Woman: “Father, may I ask a favour?”

Priest: “Of course. What may I do for you?”

Woman: “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me……….. under your robe perhaps?”

Priest: “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

Woman: “With your honest face, Father, no one will even question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

Custom Officer: “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

Priest: “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.” The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

Custom Officer: “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

Priest: “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Custom Officer: (Roaring with laughter, said) “Go ahead, Father.” Next!

Did the priest lie?  

Watch Nigeria Comedy Clips

Lawyer Jokes

Enjoy these jokes about “the Learned People” but don’t tell them you read it on this blog.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q. What’s the difference between God and a lawyer?
A. God does not think He is a lawyer!

Q: What’s the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer’s don’t think they’re funny, and no one else thinks they’re jokes.

Q: What do you call a corrupt lawyer ?
A: Your honor.

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Try this other post: https://timelessbits.wordpress.com/2012/07/21/professor-and-his-mbbs-students/

Joke: Students who dodged exam

Young Cambodians doing an exam to be admitted ...
Young Cambodians doing an exam to be admitted in the Don Bosco Technical School of Sihanoukville. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It happened that three University students dodged exams because they did not read and were not ready; Instead, they came up with a plan. Lets see how it went.
The ‘smart’ chaps got themselves dirty with dust and grease and headed to see their lecturer.
“Sir, we are sorry we couldn’t make it to the exam. We attended a friend’s wedding a day before and on our way back the car broke down. That’s how we became dirty as you can see.”
The lecturer understood and gave them three days to prepare. After the three days they went to the lecturer very ready for the exam because they had tried to cover up. The lecturer put them in three separate classes, there were only four questions in the exam paper:

1. Who and who got married? (25mks).
2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)

3. Where exactly did the car break down? (25mks)
4.What is the make of the car that broke down? (25mks)

Good luck! Your answers must tally!!

LOL

This is the shortlink to this post http://wp.me/p2wuZZ-Eu

Enjoy this clip: Funny Falls

 

What Surgeons Think of You

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Five surgeons are taking coffee break. They talk about their experiences in practice. Could these be true?

1st surgeon says:
“Accountants are the best to operate on because when you
open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

2nd surgeon says:
“Nah, Librarians are the best.Everything
inside them is in alphabetical order.”

3rd responds:
“Try electricians, man! Everything inside
them is color coded.”

4th intercedes:
“I like engineers… they always understand
When you have a few parts left over at the end.”

The 5th surgeon now interjects:
“You’re all wrong.  “…” are the easiest. They’ve got no guts, no heart, no spine.

Which professionals could the 5th surgeon be referring to?  

This other joke may interest you: https://timelessbits.wordpress.com/2012/08/21/nigerian-ibo-man-joke/

Facts about Blackberry users that you need know

New Blackberry Curve 8900

This humour on BlackBerry users will brighten your day

There are categories of BBM users. Find out which box you or your contacts fall into.

1.the cool ones.com = This set of contacts love fun. They are regular broadcasters of funny stuff.

2 the On-lookers.com = Trust this group. All they do is check out your profile, your DP, your status message, save pics and that’s the end.

3.the tafia.com = Beware of this set. When these ones check out your profile, they respond by asking you lots of  ‘JAMB’ questions like,  ‘who is this gal\guy?, ‘where did you take this pic?’, ‘where did you buy that top from …

4.the ghosts.com = These dudes/chics never reply, they hardly communicate or change their DP . Advice: From time to time you need to check their “pulse” to confirm they’re still alive

5. the off &ons.com = These are some of their signature tunes: nah,How far?,I dey,-K, lol,Kk,…  That’s the end of the conversation untill the next 3 months.

6.the jobless.com= These ones change their DP and status messages every 5 mins. They will copy and broadcast the same messages you sent them, back to you, instead of to other contacts on their BBM!

7. the Lamentators.com = This set, you can write a book about them from their messages… “dis is my month IJN”, “ah God save me from my boss”,  “I need money to renew my BB ooo”, “Traffic is mad on my street”. “I just crossed Oshodi express way”,  “One of my nails just broke today”, “dats my mummy” …

9. the lovers.com = These are the people that won’t let us rest. It’s all about their BF or GF, ‘I luv u baby’,’I miss u’,’I want u now’, ‘Last night was sweet’

10. the Fakes.com (a.k.a liers.com) = “dem go put wetin dem no be”.  “Dem go put gals or guys pics wey dem no fit date as Dp” , “dem go display food wey dem not fit chop”, “dem dey badagry but their area code dey read Amsterdam”,…

11. the wor~wor.com = These chics are so ugly yet, they form hard-to-get

So where do you belong, or sorry, your contacts.

Share this with friends. They will thank you for it

This other post will interest you: https://timelessbits.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/exciting-english-puns/

Blackberry

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